Or, alternatively, “The US versus Italy”
In the battle for political amusement, it’s hard to say who has the upper hand. Italy has Cicciolina, the porn-star turned politician, who typically runs with a campaign platform of human rights and an end to world hunger. The US has Sarah Palin and Donald Trump. In this article, we compare the candidates based on their qualifications.
PERSUASIVENESS
Trump – Says he would force China to stop manipulating its currency by telling them nicely to stop. Later adds that he would implement a 25% tariff on all Chinese goods, despite the certainty that the World Trade Organization would overturn this decision and order the US to pay billions of dollars in compensation.
Cicciolina - In 1990, offers to sleep with Saddam Hussein in turn for the release of foreign hostages.
Winner – Cicciolina. Her plan had a chance of working.
FOREIGN POLICY EXPERIENCE
Palin - While in Alaska, watches US fighter planes flying around in the general vicinity of Russian airspace, and declares that this gives her foreign policy experience.
Cicciolina - Releases a song about “dicks” that becomes a hit single in France. Has also reportedly slept with American diplomats.
Winner – landslide for Cicciolina.
POLITICAL EXPERIENCE
Palin – Serves as Governor of Alaska for 4 years, then resigns.
Cicciolina - Serves as a member of Italian Parliament for 5 years, but loses her bid for re-election.
Winner – Cicciolina. And she didn’t give up.
BUSINESS EXPERIENCE
Trump – Owns a series of renowned hotels and casinos. Avoids bankruptcy by using structured settlements.
Cicciolina – Runs for mayor of Monza, Italy, with the promise of turning a prominent building into a casino, but is not elected.
Winner – Solid victory for Trump.
BEST SOUNDBITE
Trump – “You’re fired!” (from his famous TV show) and more recently, “Excuse me…” (said before answering any difficult question).
Cicciolina – “Do you want to sleep with me?” (name of her hit radio show).
Winner – Cicciolina.
Conclusion - I hope that “the Donald” does run for president. Or Sarah Palin. After years of complaining about political mediocrity, the US may finally have the opportunity to experience genuine incompetency.
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"You know, it really doesn`t matter what they [the media] write as long as you`ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass."
Donald Trump
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