In a stunning move today, Standard and Poor's put almost every Eurozone country on alert for a credit downgrade, prompted by a "belief that systemic stresses in the Eurozone have risen in recent weeks to the extent that they now put downward pressure on the credit standing of the Eurozone as a whole."
Standard and Poor's representative Hank Terwilliger explains what led to this decision.
"I was walking down Wall Street," says Hank, "and I heard all these people talking about Europe and about some kind of credit crisis over there. Then I saw stories about it on the front pages of newspapers as I was walking to the convenience store. I thought, 'what happened? How could we have missed this?' I immediately went back to the office and told my boss we should downgrade Europe."
Hank's superiors didn't believe his wild story at first, but after Hank showed them endless Internet stories about it from the previous weeks, they became convinced. "My boss looked at me and said, 'F**k it. We downgraded the banks last week. Let's just downgrade the whole damn continent!' So we did."
"Our job at Standard and Poor's" explains Hank, "is to tell you what you already think, and make a big deal of it." After a moment's hesitation, he added, "And we don't even have to be right."
Hank clearly loves the power and prestige his useless job wields.
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"The agency's decision is uncontroversial."
Robert Preston, BBC, regarding Standard and Poor's downgrade alert for Europe.
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